An Anthology of Self-Love

By Dharma Gilley

Part I
My mind races, almost as if it were a Nascar competitor.
If only my anxiety would shutoffshutoffshutoff.
If only I could take deepbreathsdeepbreathsdeepbreaths.
Overcome the crippling fears that coincide.
My disorders do not define me—I define me.
I am more than my mind wants me to be.
I will not let the imbalanced chemicals inside my brain
Keep me away from the stars I know are hidden in my eyes.
I will not let myself be anything less than a galaxy.
Even though my mind zooms at the speed of light,
I can’t stop thinkingthinkingthinking.
No, I must cope with my disorders,
Thoughts into a healthier outlook.
I am finally able to catch up.

Part II
I find myself fascinated with things like sunsets and roller coasters
And I think it’s because I spend my days putting time into things that only last a 
Unfortunately, I will last a lifetime.
I have to piece myself together between each fleeting moment.
Sometimes it can be difficult to see how each collection of minutes fit. 
No matter how short or long I live, 
I am determined to live fully and happily. 
I am determined to make myself into more than an instant.

Part III
My bones are not made of glass.
My lungs are not corrupted.
I am not a shell of the person I used to be.
I am myself: here and now and forever.
I am life—more importantly—I am love.
In the way I make sure that others make it home safely
Even if it’s 1 PM and a 2 minute drive,
In the way I always keep myself clean and healthy,
In the way I look at boys and girls the same way,
In the way that I share my passions and other’s passions,
In the way that I take care of people who are in need,
In the way that I stay positive to the best of my ability.
I am all kinds of love:
Despite all of the troubles I’ve had,

I am free.

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