Stay Very, Very Afraid

In light of recent events, I’d like to write an article about fear. These events being that in the past couple of weeks, a bunch of people decided it was a good idea to dress up in a clown costume and stab children. A piece of advice: don’t do that. To begin with, clowns are sort of creepy. Nobody really likes clowns. Now, add a bunch of people dressing up as clowns and brutally murdering others and I think you can see why nobody really likes them. This article isn’t about clowns and why you should or shouldn’t be afraid of them, though, this article is about an entirely different type of clown. Trust me, these clowns are equally as menacing, if not hundreds of times more petrifying. Read ahead at your own risk, for this article is about the Clown Shrimp.

Properly known as the Mantis Shrimp, this tiny, aquatic predator is a thing of beauty (if you define beauty as having a weapon capable of ending animals lives by using it once). If not, then this animal is the opposite of beauty. This little guy looks like a clown, in that it decided out of the billions of colors it could be, it chose the most obnoxious colors possible, because why not? Like modern clowns, these shrimp have a psychopathic tendency for killing things, which explains why the two abominations have similar names. The bizarre part comes here, when addressing the weapon of choice of the animal. Instead of the thousands of methods it could’ve used to end its prey, like injecting venom with fangs or stabbing them, It decided, “you know what, I’m going to punch my prey to death”, and it did. Their little arm punches with such force that it creates tiny vacuums in the water called cavitation bubbles…Which proceed to collapse and eradicate their opponents by either causing their lungs to explode or punching them out of anything they found remotely appealing about life. Stay afraid of clowns. Stay very, very afraid.

Text by Vinnie Dileo and Visual by Kathryn Zix