The Surgery & Awakening





part 1: the surgery
out of the corner of my eye i see her gripping her steering wheel she is sad she is angry she is everything but okay right now and i feel heavy
the clouds are on me and they want to cry
there is too much in them
just like in me
just like in her
out of the corner of my eye i see her spilling her entire soul onto the floor
smears of it get all over me
i fall into it and i hear her choke up her heart
its blackened 
beating irregularly
i don't know if she is dead or alive because the light hasn't left her eyes yet
no
surprisingly the light hasn't left her eyes yet
it flickers though
like a 24 hour neon sign
and it never seems to die but i'm holding her heart in my hands and it is sopping with black ink or maybe it's poison or maybe it's every single tear she's cried
i'm holding her heart in my hands and i don't know what to do with it
i'm no surgeon but this has to get back inside her some day

i pull her chest apart after the incision and now her heart is trembling rather than beating
"careful, steady!" someone is shouting or maybe it's the person who lives in the back of my mind
i'm lowering it down careful and steady just like they said but i feel her hand gripping my arm now
she begs me not to put it back in
but i do and hope she forgives me



part 2: the awakening
out of the corner of my eye she is waking up from her coma
i tell her i love her and she says it back
i don't know if she believes me but i let her hear it again
she looks tired
she looks peaceful even under sunken purple eyes

i want her to know that her heart is hers
i want her to know her body is hers
that it is her house
and she lives in it
and it
is where she will thrive

she will love and live
she will grow, forgive
she will be the ever-ruling queen
in her house
for every day
they would not let her be



Text by Gwen Peralta and Photos by Natalie Ondrik

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