Alternatively titled “Let’s Get Past
Skin Deep”
Human connection has always fascinated
me—different people somehow meeting in the middle; different shapes of ideas,
beliefs, and passions complementing each other.
It’s that space and time where and when
seemingly every atom in your body aligns with theirs.
It is struggles and triumphs being
understood and appreciated. It is watching this person in front of you lay down
their cards and become vulnerably naked. It is seeing their identity slowly makes sense as they tell their stories.
Somehow, I picture it like this: a wavy
line and a zigzag line connecting— two apparently distinct frequencies linking
and different color of vibrations in sync.
I hunger for stories of human connection and the struggles and
joys shared in between. So when I discovered The Skin Deep, a YouTube channel, creative
studio, and publisher exploring human emotion and intimacy in the digital age, my perspective generally
improved and become more dynamic.
The And {} is
one of The Skin Deep’s projects. It is an interactive documentary experience
that brings people into the emotional space of real relationships.
“It is a documentary series that profiles a real-life couple in every episode having an honest conversation about love, fidelity, sex, power, and more,” as Glamour.com said.
Two people sit in front of each other, a
table in between in which the cards that hold the questions they’d ask each other
lay face down. These interactive interviews could be intimate, awkward, comfortable,
or emotional. That’s the beauty of it— it’s genuine and raw.
Watching The And {} has always been a
very eye opening experience. Videos of conversations between mother and son,
father and daughter, exes, married couples, new couples, friends, siblings, and
strangers in blind dates will give you great insight about human emotions and
the dynamics of life and relationships— even when you just witness them through
your screen.
{
Sidra & Ben }
-MARRIED-
11
years
Ben:
“Has there ever been a time when you or I forgot how to get back here in this
place of connection, and if so, how did we remember?”
Sidra:
“Yeah, our relationship totally fell apart and we almost got divorced.
Things were really bad and it gave us one of the most
incredible lessons of all time: No matter how in love, and I’ll
speak personally now, no matter how in love I am with you, no matter how perfect
I think you are, no matter how perfect I think our relationship is— those
things alone won’t get you through the thick and thin and into the years and
years and the decades and into a lifetime together. Every day, we wake up and
we choose to be together. You and I as individuals are still constantly
choosing to be together in this partnership.”
Ben: “What scares you the most these days?”
Sidra: “It’s funny- I think about it constantly and I think
about mortality in a way I never used to conceive of because it’s
happening in front of my face. And I see it.
It’s like watching a video or looking atva delayed lapse photograph. I look at her sweet young face [her daughter] and I just, I see my
death, and I see your death and I see our death and somewhere in there is hers,
too. Hopefully, I’ll never see it.”
{ Martha
& Benji }
-MOTHER/SON-
23
years
Benji: “When was the time you were
proudest of me, and why?”
Martha: “Maybe getting up to read that
poem at your dad’s memorial service.”
{Emily
& Bobby}
-DATING-
2
months
Emily: “What do you think is a weakness that I have
in this relationship?”
Bobby: “If you do move up to the bay or move away or
something and we have to, like, we have to break up or however it ends up
working, I’m really- I’m really scared that it’s going to suck really bad for
you. And, I would never want you to be hurt, you know?”
Emily: “Yeah. I know that. I already knew that. You
didn’t have to say it. Because I know how you just thrive off of moving around and traveling and learning and I love
that about you. And I think I’m the same way. But I think if I find something
good, I’m more likely to hold on to it, and I don’t think you are.”
{ Kelsey
& Nick }
-BLIND
DATE-
Kelsey: “What would your last partner
warn me about you if we were to be in a relationship?”
Nick: “My last partner would probably tell
you that I’m horrible at communicating- in terms of, like, how I’m feeling
or my emotions.”
Kelsey: “Do you feel chemistry?”
Nick: “I do, I do. I feel like we are comfortable
with each other. I feel like we could talk pretty easily with each other.”
{ Rafa
& Douglas }
-MARRIED-
4
years
Douglas: “What change in me could I make to improve
my relationship with my mom?”
Rafa: “Love her and suspend all the nonsense or the criticisms or the “I wish this” or “I
wish that"— so, total acceptance. Regardless of the circumstances, you love.
Your acceptance of this human being is not tied to anything they have done or
anything they have failed to do.”
Douglas: “Do you regret committing to
me?”
Rafa: “Not at all. None of my,
you know, other partners or people I dated gave me this sense of home, you
know. This is like home. You’re home to me.”
{Ali
& Andrew }
-EXES-
7
years
Ali: “Why did you cheat on me so many
times?”
Andrew: “(…) I think it’s because I was
interested in other options.”
Andrew: “What’s your fondest memory from
our time together?”
Ali: “There was a night when I was in
the apartment with Rebecca Winston, and we were in kind
of a rough patch but you came over and slow danced with me.”
Ali: “Why haven’t you been in a
relationship since we broke up?”
Andrew: “I just lose interest and I just
break up with people. And it’s always as painful to do that and it really sucks. I just hate picking up the stuff from your apartment. I hate it, like,
going through all the stuff that we had created with each other— like the
paintings and stuff like that. And I just, it was like whooping out my heart
when I was like, taking out your paintings. And I don’t want to do that again.
And so, before things get too serious, I usually stop.”
Ali: “Why do you still want to be
friends post-breakup?”
Andrew: “Because I really miss you.”
{Rosa
& Jhein}
-DAUGHTER/
FATHER-
25
years
Rosa: “Do you ever feel guilty about being so angry
in the past?”
Jhein: “I did my best not to be angry, but still...
For example, I remember when you were born, I was entangled in business and
your mom would berate me for not being around enough. How was I supposed to…
the house and everything? I always thought that Mom should understand why I’m
so worked up, she’d understand why I did it; she knew my weakness. But you
can’t expect that from a partner. (…) And I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough to
understand it in time.”
{ Alejandra
& Alexa }
-MOTHER/DAUGHTER-
7
years
Alexa: “Why do you love me?”
Alejandra: “I don’t think there’s any
way to explain it. It’s like a chemical reaction; I just love you. I don’t love you because you do certain things. Whatever you want to do, it’s the same. You don’t have to do anything
for my love, my love is given.”
These are just snippets of real people’s
lives. These people I never met, stories never directly told to me— encouraged
me to be more compassionate, understanding and humane. It encouraged me to try
harder to see past through people’s surfaces; to see them past skin-deep. To
look at them and see them as people just like me, just like my father, my
mother or my sibling—people who carry different stories, different heartbreaks,
pains, joys and struggles.
Just like what Sidra said, every person is
someone’s baby. Any individual you see is someone’s loved one. And just when you look
at them like that, in that light, you’ll realize how powerful that perspective
can be. It changes your relationship with each person you meet. It can change your life.
Next time you see someone walking on the
street, try not to just look at them; Try to see them past through all that
they have outside. And if an opportunity arises, grab it, and connect with
someone, with anyone. That alone will always teach you something—something
about human experience and human connection, and somehow in there, you’ll learn
about yourself, too.
Love the insight this offers. I love it when writers on Lithium get a bit outside of themselves.
ReplyDeletethe excerpts were so interesting, and kathryn NEVER disappoints with her visuals. LOVE this so much!
ReplyDelete