I Conquered Solitude

In October, I wrote this article about solitude and the fear of being alone. A little bit over four months later, I have conquered my isolation among with a couple of other things.

Here’s the thing about conquering solitude: you have to face the loneliness. You have to love yourself enough to be okay with being by yourself. You cope with the silence; you grow to learn that it isn't quiet because you’re lonely, but because it’s peaceful. Once upon a time, four months ago, as much as I’d hate to admit it then, I had this irrational fear of missing out, missing out on people, missing out on feelings, missing people, and missing feelings.

Then, I learned that the fear of missing out starts out with a series of insecurities. To overthrow those feelings, I had to crush my insecurities and be okay with myself. And eventually, I was. I knew that if I didn’t love myself, how could I expect others to do so? 

I picked this article up and down, taking the time to reflect on why I was never okay with being by myself without company. I found that it all goes back to the sole topic of people. I love people. There are people I love, and I want to spend my time with them. I struggled a lot with trying to find the fine line between enjoying company and relying on others. In fact, I spend time during my day contemplating whether or not I should say certain things but then I realize-- they don’t care. 

I can live by myself but I don’t want to live by myself alone like this. I have conquered solitude. I no longer fear or dislike the thought of solitude, but after months, I have realized, I'd rather live with company than solitude.

By Wen Hsiao

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