Thrill


I remember the first time I punched someone in the face
I don’t like when people fight, when people hit each other
And I usually don’t like hitting people
But I sure liked hitting him
I remember how he inappropriately touched me prior to me swinging
I remember how refreshing it was to feel my fist collide with his jaw,
To see him stand there in awe, gripping the area in pain
To taste the satisfaction, smell the glory in that moment
To hear the gasps of other people around me,
Shocked that I had actually swung, that it wasn’t just a threat
Real life proof of cause and effect
That I am not an object
That this, he for some reason seemed to neglect
So he had to get checked


I remember the first time I stood up for myself
The way my body shook as I yelled
The way I grabbed everyone’s attention
The apprehension in the air
I had to remind people that I am a jokester but not a joke
Though they often treated me like a punchline
But I’d gotten jabbed one too many times


I remember the first time I rode a rollercoaster
I remember how I tried to get off right before it started
How the previous passengers wished us good luck as they parted
I remember how I was more afraid of the people in front of me throwing up
And it flying back and hitting me in the face
Than I was of me throwing up myself
I remember how tightly I gripped my friend’s hand
And how it turned out to be not that bad in the end
And how I wanted to ride it again
And then again
And then just one more time, I promise this is the last time, before we left
How it was one of the best feelings I’d ever known
And how I threw up as soon as I got home


An adventure, a risk in the palm of my hand
The thrill of having a story to tell
The thrill of turning the apathy into energy
The thrill of giving my shadow a reason to follow me
The thrill of laying comfortably on my death bed, knowing that I will in fact rest in peace
Because I lived my life through bravery, through risk-taking, mistake making, rule breaking,
fear facing
Morning after, hangover head aching
Excitement, exhilaration
So much adrenaline my body’s shaking


The thrill of knowing that my past self would be proud of my present
The thrill of knowing that I’m growing, that I’m changing
That I’m developing into a person who isn’t afraid of the dark
Because she knows without darkness, there would’ve never been the creation of light
Who, when everyone else heads left, isn’t afraid to go right
Who isn’t afraid to fight and, if need be, will


And still

Is always up for a thrill  

By Dyamond Sierra

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