Two Energies

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I never intensely questioned girlhood until wearing dresses to parties, staining my face with makeup, and mimicking the ways the pretty, clean white girls were adored on TV were just options instead of obligations. I never sought a compromise with the pink-colored glasses hot-glued to the bridge of my nose. I never noticed that it burned. I am a busty girl even though I am only fifteen, but my body expands and curves as if I am Mother Earth’s deputy. 

I am a pretty girl, or so I am told. I wear my mascara the right way. I wear clothing in a harmless way. I speak in a high-pitched, attractive way. But what if I am not who think I am? What if it is all a facade and I am brewing till my day comes? The idea of androgyny has always appealed to me-- to accept the fact that you have feminine and masculine energies inside of you that are suppose to mix and swirl, like yin yang; one fuels the other. To be so ambiguous that pedestrians don't even know what box you fit in. To venture to both sections of clothing stores and accept the stares as they come. I was never taught to lay on greener grass but as I get older, I wonder when the day will come in which I can strip this girlhood that was force-fed. Do I even want to? What will happen if I do? Gender is, after all, socially constructed. It's scary, though, to know that so many factors of your life depend on your gender. Gender is about your clothes, the way you carry yourself, the way you speak, the way you smell, the way you interact, and much more. I am always aware of these ideals because we live in a world where these stereotypes have bled into cultures and communities. I want to explore what it means to not identify with the stereotypes I have blindly accepted and understand that there is a life outside the box. And it is thriving. And it is exactly what I need right now. 

By Natalia Mercedes Rodriguez

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