Having a Crush as an Introvert

Joel Benjamin

Being an introvert is hard work. It’s a lot more than not talking, a lot of the time I end up actively avoiding people, to the point that I make things a lot harder on myself just so that I could avoid a conversation - and that’s only with acquaintances! When it comes to crushes, I could literally be recruited as a spy with how skillful I am with avoiding guys. I always tell my friends “Liking someone is so hard!” as I complain about all the negative outcomes I’ve imagined could happen if I ever told a guy I liked them...I never have by the way.

The process of me having a crush is as follows:
  • A guy talks to me
    • Seems nice
  • Figure out if he has a girlfriend (or boyfriend)
  • Develop crush
    • Fangirl over the simplest of stuff he does
  • Avoid him at all costs.
    • Don’t even acknowledge his existence if he’s near
      • Seriously
  • Complain to friends about him not liking me even though I’ve literally never talked to the guy besides that ONE time.
  • Suffer

This has been the way I’ve dealt with guys all of my life. However this year feels different. I want to try more things and met more people. It’s my last year of high school and i don’t want all of my memories to be of sitting in an empty classroom during lunch, avoiding actual human interaction to instead watch BTS perform Baepsae for the 14000th time. So I took a chance.

There is this guy that I have likes for a while now, and my friends have been telling me that if I actually want a chance at being with him, I need to allow him to get to know me. The backstory of how I started liking him is last year. That day we were watching a film in my class and I missed something that a character had said. I found the film quite interesting, so I didn’t want to miss any part of it. I turned behind me and asked him, “What did they say?”. He didn’t hear me and so he leaned in closer while mumbling “Huh?”. And that was it - PATHETIC I KNOW, but there was just something about how close he got. He didn’t even hesitate, it was as if he wasn’t afraid of me...and I was grateful for that. It’s not like there’s a reason for people to be afraid of me, but I didn’t have many friends and I often felt as if people avoided me. I remember thinking, how come you can do what others seem to be afraid of? I was so flustered that I completely blanked and ended up saying “Never Mind” and turned back around. From that moment on I was hooked.

Though the beginning of the crush was based off of my insecurities, this year I’ve actually started to notice things about him that genuinely attract me. He’s really funny, kind, confident, and outgoing. So, since I’ve decided that I will be more brave this year, I decided to take a chance - I’ll have an actual conversation. This may seem like a small step for most, but for me it’s like bungee jumping without the elastic cord.

My mission went a little out of hand when instead of simply having a simple conversation with him, I ended up asking him to be a part of a project I was working on. This lead to multiple texts and meet ups. One day I even spent part of the day with him and another girl who was working on the project as well (a friend who knew I liked him). He ended up driving me home and that was the first real conversation we had. Sure, I’ve texted him before, but they were just about the project. That was the first time I actually learned about him and talked about myself.

Afterwards my friend who was in group project texted me saying how cute we were together and how I should ask him out. I don’t know if I, an awkward potato, will actually be able to accomplish that, but her words did boost up my confidence. Though, I’m not sure I will even have to confess since her not-so-subtle comments about my feelings may have already given him a hint. But we’ll see.

So, that’s the story of my first time interacting with an individual from the male species that I find attractive. I hope he doesn’t find this article somehow.

By Alana James

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