i am afraid of Him
and His statuesque demeanor
everytime i sit in a pew i feel incorrect
with a sense of guilt in the pit of my stomach
and my face awash with fear
i refuse to do this again

As a kid, my mom tried to give me as much access to religion as I wanted, starting with Christianity. I always felt monitored, and the idea that something arose from nothing with the ability to create even more through sheer will was hard for me to accept.

However, as I grew up, I began to rationalize everything in ways that made sense to me, with no need for a justification or an explanation.

A big part of organized monotheism that was honestly terrifying to me was the idea of an omnipotent central figure that couldn’t be swayed or controlled; therefore, I made my own desires the focus of my practice. I didn’t enjoy the idea of relaying your problems to someone and sitting back while they worked on fixing them, so I include a lot of performative and self-motivated work in my practice.

When I started attending boarding school, I met one of my closest friends, Sophia, and I learned so much from her. We’ve affected the way we see our surroundings by speaking openly on what we practice and believe.

I believe that self-reliance is one of the biggest tenets of my practice, and it can never fail me. If I do everything in my power to attract something and it fails, it wasn’t meant to be mine. If I get it, regardless of coincidence, I’ve succeeded. I can rest easy either way, as long as the intent was there.

By Michael Jones
Visual from a medieval woodcut by Camille Flammarion

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