In Relation to You

IMAGE: Natasha Wilson / De Anastacia Photography (2018). This is a photo taken of me (right) and my best friend, Samantha Logan (left).

To my best friend,

When I love someone, I mean really love someone, I’ll do anything for them. Wouldn’t you? When you meet someone who makes cold rain feel like warm sunlight, just with a smile, it makes you want to give them everything. I don’t mean fancy, expensive presents or exotic dates. I mean every single piece of me. I’ll hear them out even when I don’t agree. I won’t get angry; I’ll listen. Because that’s what love is, isn’t it? It’s putting yourself aside, even for a moment, to open up to someone else. We’ve talked about this before. This is why we allow the ones we love to frustrate us. It’s not about just you anymore, it’s about them. You have to listen to them, and understand where they are coming from. That’s how you treat people you are in love with.

I have a question to ask you.

Do I do this for you? I know sometimes we fight or bicker about small things we don’t agree on, but do you feel that I’m listening to you? Hearing you out? I know I can be stubborn, and I won’t let you be right, or when we disagree I’ll huff and say “agree to disagree” because I can’t stand to be wrong. I realized the other day, when my partner and I had an argument, that I didn’t get upset. And when I was wrong, I apologized. I thought to myself, have I always apologized to you? Even if it was miniscule, did I let you know that you were right, or did I let my pride get in the way? It seems strange to correlate two situations with two different circumstances but the love isn’t that really different at its core.
I know you know that I love you. But do you know how much?

From a young age, we are shown that lovers come and go. We are told cautionary tales about the day your first love leaves you, or when you may have to leave them. Though you can never truly be prepared for it, we all know that one day, we can expect it. I do not know what I would do if I lost you. No one has ever prepared me for the hurt that I would endure. There is no song or movie to describe in detail how to get over your best friend. Our love is quiet. It’s a soft murmur that exists everywhere, and is in everything. I think about its permanence very often. But today, I realized that you do not have to stay. Like a lover, you too could leave me, and I wondered have I treated you with the same care I would give a lover, or do we always fight like siblings who are forced to be together? I am worried that I have taken this relationship for granted. And for that, I am sorry. I promise to give you the same ears to listen and eyes to see as you would, that I would give to a partner. I promise to remember that we can have different perspectives and that we can both be right. I promise to not get angry and to listen, even when I don’t agree. I promise to let you frustrate me. I promise to put myself aside, because it’s not just about me, it’s about us. Because on rainy days, when there is no sun and there is no lover, there is you. Making the cold rain feel like warm sunlight.

Love always,
Your best friend.

By Elysa Rivera
Photo by Natasha Wilson

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